Thursday, December 11, 2014

Shopping for Sex Toys

So many dildos, so little time!

Yes, sex stuff sells, and carnality and capitalism have proven to be a winning combination. What was once an underground trade, advertised in the back of naughty magazines, has turned into Big Business. Want a jack-off sleeve with an aperture shaped like an asshole? Just the right lube for fisting? A buttplug hung like a horse? A super-duper sling? Inescapable restraints? The perfect flogger? Just hand over your credit card and bigger, better orgasms can be yours. (Though if you live in Arizona you’d better curb your compulsive shopping, since you can’t legally keep more than two dildos in your domicile.)

Sure, guys can have plenty of fun with no paraphernalia beyond hands and a hard-on.  But good times—especially good, kinky times—can be even more gratifying if you have the right equipment. Let’s face it: your palm can get awfully sore from administering a bare-bottom spanking. Wouldn’t you prefer a swell leather paddle that makes a gratifying WHAP while it blisters his butt? Or wrist restraints that absolve you of the responsibility of learning rope bondage?

In these high-tech times you can shop online for just about any sexy apparatus, from anal beads to a zip-up body bag, but there’s really nothing better than checking out the goods in person. Salespeople who can point out what you might enjoy, and what kind of lube to use with it, are infinitely more valuable than the hype of online adverts. And fortunately, most major metropolitan areas feature truly pleasant sex shops. Not those jack shacks out on the interstate, the ones that advertise “Bachelorette Party Supplies” and are often as not staffed by skeevy guys who look like they work traveling carnivals…though those places have their place, too.

To be sure, the lower depths can be fun. Sleazier stores often include “video arcades” featuring porn-viewing booths suitable for solitary masturbation….or more. But that’s a topic for another day. Given the choice, why not patronize clean, well-lighted shops stuffed with quality goods and staffed by knowledgeable pervs like you and me?

Going sex shopping with the one you love (or lust after) can be loads of fun, especially where trying on fetishwear is concerned. And the wonderful world of sadomasochism, with its leather and shining steel, is especially merchandise oriented. I can recall taking a self-described “slave” shopping at San Francisco’s premier emporium for leatherfolk. (And yes, it was his idea.) It was delightful to see his acquisitive little eyes light up at the sight of all that cowhide, and equally lovely to watch him try on harnesses and naked-butt chaps. But given the sad state of Sir’s bank account and the swoon-worthy price tags, it was just as well that he’d previously told me he was willing to foot the bill. When shopping for adult knick-knacks, the basic guidelines for buying anything still apply, even to tit clamps.

First, know something about what you’re shopping for. Silicone dildos, for example, are the Cadillacs of fake phalluses. They’re pricier, but they feel great and you can throw them in the dishwasher next to the Fiestaware.  (They do tear more easily than latex, though, so keep the chainsaw away.)
Second, don’t overbuy. Sure, your anal aperture may be able to accommodate that super-sized buttplug one day. But if you’re just getting into bondage, plunking down big bucks for a set of cast-iron manacles maybe a kinky case of too much, too soon. Why not start out by buying some rope from the hardware store and find out first whether restraint is your forte?

Do keep safety in mind. Cheaply made or badly designed toys can actually be hazardous. If you’re going to buy a vibrator for your butt, make sure it has a sizable flanged base or a pair of balls. Going to the emergency room with a buzzing sex toy lodged crosswise in your colon can cast a pall over Saturday night. Make sure that whatever you put on or into your body is non-toxic. And a dildo with a wire core? Uh-uh.

And just like Mom always told you, it pays to buy quality. Don’t cheap out by buying cheesy restraints that will fall apart when the going gets rough. A bargain-priced penis pump that doesn’t properly pump a penis is nobody’s idea of a smart purchase.

Buying a surprise present for that special sexy someone? Keep in mind the message that your gift will convey. If your boyfriend always wanted to be a cross-dressing slut, those plus-size crotchless panties might be just the ticket. A thoughtfully intended gift of a deluxe cock ring, though, might inadvertently say, “I know you have trouble keeping it up, so here’s a little something to help.”

A final parental note: When browsing at sex stores, a degree of politesse is called for. Just like the clientele in the clap clinic waiting room, the folks you run into at the ball-stretcher counter may be assumed to have a certain interest in sex. Discreet cruising of your fellow shopper is thus hardly out of line, but don’t expect more. And don’t harass others, no matter how horny the smell of leather makes you.

All that being said, there’s a whole wide, wonderful range of sexy stuff out there to choose from. Just remember that the body and the mind are the very best sex toys of all, and even a big drawerful of tchochkes won’t turn a dud into a stud. Now, about all those dildos….

by Simon Sheppard

Sex in The Shower: Make It The Best Sex Of Your Life

Sex in the shower can be intensely erotic, if done correctly. Some people are turned off by sex in the shower because of the awkward positioning, difficulty with penetration, and downright danger of slips and falls. If you haven’t tried it, we think you are missing out so we’ve assembled some tips, for making your sex-in-the-shower sessions safe and fun.
  1. Use Wet® Platinum® Premium Lubricant. If you plan to penetrate each other in the water, you will need to use a silicone-based lubricant, like Wet® Platinum®.  Hard water can cause additional friction so lube up but be sure to keep it off of shower floor.   Silicone-based lubricants don’t absorb in to the skin and won’t wash away without soap like water-based lubricants do, so Wet Platinum is the perfect choice. Platinum’s 16 ounce size has a pump top, so you can keep it in the shower like you would a bottle of body wash.

    Caution:  Wet Platinum is extremely slippery and does not wash away with water alone. To wash away Wet Platinum and avoid slips and falls, make sure you use soap when cleaning it up, and then wipe the inside of the shower with a degreaser thoroughly.

  2. Have a Lube Shooter Prepared. Using a lube shooter will help keep Wet® Platinum® in its proper place- between the cheeks and not on the shower floor, where it can become a safety hazard. Also, preparing a lube shooter beforehand can make the sex feel more spontaneous, since the lube is already in its place. You won’t have to stop your sexy, steamy, session to squeeze more lubricant in to your hands.
  3. Use A Waterproof Vibrating Cock Ring. Cock rings are not only for guys that have issues maintaining an erection. They are for all men everywhere. Cock rings, regardless of whether you put them around the shaft of the penis, or the scrotum, will absolutely increase the intensity of your orgasm. This is because they restrict the flow of blood within the penis, making for a stronger, harder, erection. Having the option of the extra added sensation of vibrating is always an added bonus. Reminder: never use a silicone toy with any silicone-based lubricant. The two are not compatible with each other.   Always use a cockring made of stretchy material that can be easily removed.
  4. Use A Prostate Stimulator. Prostate massages are known for giving men feelings of bliss and out-of-this-world orgasms. Whether you are in the bedroom, or in the shower, you can try a prostate stimulator.   You or your partner can wear one while getting or giving a blow job.  Tip:  Use Wet Platinum to lubricate your prostate toy before you gently insert it.
  5. Buy A Shower Chair. Shower chairs are not just for senior citizens. They are also meant for people who have amazing sex lives. Using a chair in the shower opens an array of possibilities: from sitting down and having your partner on his hands and knees, between your legs, going down on you, to sitting up straight and being straddled, or even bending your partner over the back of the seat, it’s an option that can’t be passed up.
  6. Use a Slip Resistant Mat. A cushy shower mat will help protect your knees while doing it doggy-style, and will feel soft against your back if you lay down. It will also help prevent slips and falls from any residual lubricant lying on the shower floor that you have not yet been able to clean up.
  7. Invest in a Hand Held Shower Sprayer.  Temperature and intensity of the water stream can be quickly manipulated giving additional sensations that aren’t available anywhere else.  You can purchase a couple of suction cup holders to position the spray of water where you like it most.
  8. Use a Bath Sponge and Soap. There is nothing better than feeling close to your partner after you have just made each other have mind-blowing orgasms. When you are finishing up, lather up a soft sponge with a gentle soap, and seductively clean each other up. Be sure to use plenty of skin to skin contact, while you are doing this. We recommend a gentle soap, so you can clean each other’s most sensitive areas without fear of irritation, and also so that it does not sting your eyes.
If you follow any of these tips, you are sure to have an extraordinary love or fuck making session in your shower. Guaranteed. Now go enjoy!

By Skylar Scot

Monday, October 27, 2014

SEX EDUCATION 101: 5 Things We Bet You Weren’t Taught in School

SEX EDUCATION 101:  What you weren’t taught in school…updated information to keep you and your partners safe and happy.  Summer has come and gone and students are back in school. Most likely it’s been awhile since you had a Sex Ed course and times have changed. Let’s face it—your information is old school!

New York psychiatrist and sex therapist Madeleine Castellanos, MD, offers updated, “new school” information that everyone should know to stay in the safe sex zone: 

According to the CDC, nearly half of the 19 million new STDs contracted each year are among young people aged 15–24 years (2011).

Oral sex is not considered ‘safe sex.’  HIV, HPV, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis may all be transmitted via oral sex.  In addition, a 2011 study found that the proportion of oropharyngeal cancers related to HPV increased from 16.3% to 71.7% between 1984 and 2004.

More than $8 billion is spent each year to diagnose and treat STIs and their complications, not including HIV (Guttmacher Institute). STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) are definitely out there.  Protect yourself from getting them and/or spreading them.

Make oral sex safer by using a flavored condom like DKT’s Prudence brand condoms, which offer a wide variety of flavors and scents (banana, watermelon, strawberry, grape, chocolate and more) guaranteed to tickle your taste buds as well as your partner’s fancy!  

Oil and latex do not mix—so using petroleum jelly, baby oil, moisturizers or everyday kitchen oils with a condom can cause the latex to break down and increases your chance of breakage and infection. Wet® Platinum® Premium Silicone Lubricant and WET® URANUS™ Anal Lube are both latex- friendly. When used correctly, Wet lube also helps to reduce excess friction, thus lessening the risk of tears.

Wet hopes these tips from sex therapist, MD and psychotherapist, Dr. Madeleine Castellanos will keep you and your partner safe and intimate.

Growing Up Sleazy by Simon Sheppard

I was recently reading about yet another sex-education brouhaha, which made me oddly nostalgic. Not that I remember anything about my high school sex ed class. That’s not really surprising, considering I was in high school over four decades ago. But I grew up in a fairly enlightened Northeast suburb, so I’m assuming there was one.

Actually, I do seem to recall that one fateful day, the boys and the girls were put in separate classrooms so some ultra-qualified gym teacher could deliver the hard facts about Down There. You know, “When a man loves a woman very much, he sometimes puts his penis in her vagina.” That kind of thing. But that might just be a constructed memory; if I’d known there was going to be a quiz, I would have taken better notes.

I also had good, liberal parents. I’m sure Dad and I had The Talk, during which he imparted lots of useful information like, “When a man loves a woman very much, he sometimes puts his penis in her vagina.” There was a copy of The Kinsey Report in the house, sitting right there in the open next to something by James Michener, as well as the copy of Lady Chatterley’s Lover that I found in my mother’s underwear drawer. It wasn’t like I was raised by Amish prudes.

I was in any case a precocious little snot; by eleventh grade I was reading Naked Lunch. To my mom’s chagrin, I hung an Avedon photo of naked Allen Ginsberg on my bedroom wall. I took a train into Manhattan to see a Tennessee Williams play. Stuff like that.

And though I was, in those dim pre-Stonewall days, awash with guilt about being queer, going so far as to jack off to Playboy in a damp attempt at conversion therapy, I didn’t let that guilt stand in the way of my erotic education.

Those “physique” magazines full of photos of oiled young men flexing in posing straps and gladiator drag? Yep, they were hidden under my bed. Now I wish I’d saved those issues of Young Demigods; I’m thinking that retro porn might earn a pretty penny on eBay.

And then there were the “nudist pictorials” I furtively thumbed through in the backroom of a newsstand across the river in Trenton, New Jersey. The sign on the bridge read “Trenton Makes, the World Takes,” but I was too young to take those sun-drenched journals of naturism home. Those photos did, though, instill in me a lifelong love of exposed pubic hair, and I still can’t watch beach volleyball without getting naughty thoughts.

So I guess when it came to sex education, I was, to a great extent, home schooled. (And, thanks to masturbation lessons from the Boy Scout next door, self-abused.)

In these enlightened times, any high schooler—at least one who doesn’t live in a town where the board of education is controlled by right-wing fundies—will learn stuff in school that would have made my teenage jaw drop in amazement. But I was of a generation where sex, most particularly queer sex, was still naughty and taboo and snicker inducing, and those cross-sectional penis diagrams that Coach Schneider showed us didn’t change that.  All of which is most likely why, in my formative years, I got the idea that sex was somehow dirty.

And you know what? I still do, I think that sex, at least good sex, is at least a little schmutzy. No, not shameful, not something to feel guilty about. But, well, kinda nasty. In a good way. A wallow-y way. Male/male blowjobs? Naughty. ButtSex? Yeah, absolutely…dirty. And kink? Delightfully more so. Not hoity-toity redemptive, not safely therapeutic, and I’ll leave Tantra to the folks in Taos and Tibet. Give me something that makes me feel gleefully soiled and I’m satisfied.

Transgressive is good, if you ask me. Growing up gay in an anti-queer world made me look askance at hetero-normative bullshit, got me alienated enough from mainstream culture to have to figure it out for myself, and well, I can easily live with that.

Sure, I’m glad that school kids now learn lots of sex-positive stuff about orgasms and STDs and—except maybe in Alabama—dildos and lube. That’s great. Really. But from where I stand (or, more likely, kneel) I like the dicks I deal with to be metaphorically dirty…and literally a little smelly. I enjoy getting off in unclean, dimly lighted places for sex. Outlaw fucking is just somehow better than something Oprah approves of. Safe, sure. Consensual? Absolutely. But sane? Well….

But the edge is getting harder to find. I suppose when the movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey comes out, even a nice hard flogging won’t seem the least bit outré any more. Yeah, that’s a boon to Middle-American men who want their wifeys to walk on them in spike-heeled boots. But when sex, like life in general, loses its fucked-up frisson, it’s not an unalloyed plus in my book.

Take the whole victorious sweep of the gay rights movement. I surely don’t want to go back to the bad old anti-gay days of the 1950s and ‘60s, and hey, I love having a legally wed husband. But back when I was a “babyfag”, there was a feeling that craving cock somehow made you special and different and—might as well say it again—naughty in ways that today’s fortunate queer youth will never know.

So two-and-a-half cheers for modern sex ed, and may those parents opposed to it have their names be discovered in the client lists of the prostitutes they secretly patronize. But—though it might seem immature, self-indulgent, and even smacking just a wee tiny bit of internalized homophobia—I still like my sex to be on the sleazy side, something you do in the dark. Or the park.

Because, you know, if a man sticks his penis in another man’s anus, it may well be because he loves him. Or it may not. But it sure as hell is because he’s figures out how he wants to fuck him.
Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at
Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

Monday, August 25, 2014

In Praise of Smaller Junk by Simon Sheppard

Sure, we all know what’s supposed to turn us on: buff, gorgeous young guys with cocks like tree-trunks jutting manfully out below defoliated six-packs.

But what if that doesn’t get us instantly hard? What if we prefer, say, small, even tiny, dicks? If a guy doesn’t buy into the notion that bigger is better, does that make him a little-dick fetishist? After all, classical statues were small-hung, because the ancient Romans thought that big cocks were ugly. I know that skillions of you would disagree, but what, you think you’re smarter than Caesar?

And how about the probably-thornier issue of chubby chasers and bear fanciers? In a world of ever-expanding waistlines, is it cool to eroticize overweight? Confesses one man who likes his buddies to have considerable meat on their bones, “I’m always watching my own weight, so it feels a little weird to get a hard-on from stroking a 40-inch-waist. Am I enabling a boyfriend’s unhealthy habits, or do I just think too much? And hey, wouldn’t you rather that someone have a big butt than anorexia?”

The specifics of sexual attraction are a complex mystery, possible factors ranging from childhood experiences to images in the media. As an older guy grateful for whatever below-the-waist attention comes my way, I’m not about to tell some youngish fellow with a stiffy, “You’re attracted to me? You must have father issues!” Because, well, I’m not that stupid.

And because being someone’s “mercy fuck” can feel pretty effing icky.

Now, power always enters into sexuality—and not just the sort that uses handcuffs and whips. One partner is stronger, more successful, or more conventionally handsome; it’s just a fact of life. My partner’s youth gives him power if I let it. My having a bigger dick than him, ditto.

Most of us have, by definition, more or less average looks. So chasing after undeniable hotties is a mixed bag. If you score, it’s an achievement. If not, it’s a rejection.  Better, perhaps, to chase after equals, or even to make a less attractive guy your mercy fuck, which can make you feel both empowered and generous. (And lest you think the term “mercy fuck” is insulting, keep in mind it contains two of the loveliest words in the English language.)

It’s a rather inconvenient fact of life is that most of us, in one way or another, feel unworthy. And our judgmental culture—one that holds up standards of appearance that many of us find impossible to live up to—doesn’t help matters. So the existence of unconventional sexual tastes is, in that sense, a Very Good Thing. And a widespread thing: anyone who’s spent time trolling in the online vineyards of sex ads will note that just about every kind of guy, from unwashed wayward waifs to fellows with oversized ears, is sexy to somebody.

There are tumblrs devoted to every shape and size of male, websites that celebrate the eroticism of grandpas, hippies, skinny nerds, big ole bears, and the extravagantly tattooed. A friend of mine has a thing for guys with zits, and who am I to say he’s wrong?

This specialization is not without its downside. If you have a curved cock and answer an ad in search of that, you might wonder, as your admirer worships you, “Does this fellow see anything in me beyond my basket?” (Or you might just put all that aside, thank your good fortune, and growl, “That’s it! Suck that thing.”)

Things get even gnarlier when sexual desire enters the minefield of race, from “No Asians, please” to “I’m looking for big black dicks.” But the hard fact is that sexual attraction, even between long-term partners, usually involves objectification of some sort, even if it’s just “I love the shape of your ears.” And we are, for whatever tangled reasons, attracted to whom we’re attracted to. As long as we don’t confuse what happens in bed with our dealings with the world at large, there’s nothing wrong with our taste in men, be it ever so arcane.

And play nice. If someone you find unattractive comes on to you, don’t treat him rudely. His wanting you is not an insult. Conversely, don’t try to persuade someone that he should find you hot. Take “no” for an answer and move on.

Neither should you treat some co-workers better just because you’d like to fuck them. It’s simply good manners, right? It’s the kind of advice you mother would have given you…if your mom had been a slut. (Which we all know she wasn’t, so relax.)

In the best of all possible worlds, we’d desire everyone for who they were, kumbaya, and it’s a small world after all. We wouldn’t confuse “hung like a horse” with “masculine,” nor masculine” with “hot.” It’s what’s on the inside that really counts, and we’re not talking dildos here. And we wouldn’t base our sense of worth on whom we fucked, or even who loved us. But the human ego is a strange beast, and when dicks are hard, it gets even stranger.

Yeah, I like men with small, even tiny cocks. I’m not sure what that means (though I’m pretty sure it doesn’t have fuck-all to do with Michelangelo’s David and his itty-bitty marble pee-pee). But who, in the final analysis, cares what the fuck it’s about, anyway? Are you in search of that ten-incher, mythic as a fleshy unicorn? By all means, keep questing. As for me, you less endowed dudes can bring those pretty little things over here. As long as my having some guy’s undersized dick in my mouth makes us both happy, then it is a small world. After all.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Do You Nuru? Make It As Hot Inside As It IS OUT!

Learn How to Give a Nuru Massage
How to Give a Nuru Massage with Wet Nuru Massage Gel

It's steamy hot outside, so why not make it just as hot inside? Relax at home with a steamy DVD. Find a sexy movie that turns you both on and a cool space to relax. As you watch, feed each other popsicles or chilled white wine. Kissing and nuzzling will soon lead to massages. The next thing you know, you'll be teaching the people in the film that you're watching a new move or two.  Give each other sensual massage with Wet® Nuru Massage Gel --always an erotic idea. Watch our Video to learn Nuru massage techniques.

Enjoy the heat!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

You Kids Get Off My Parade!

Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be…and it most likely never was.

At the end of June, as is my longstanding tradition, I went to San Francisco’s LGBTQI Pride Parade. I’ve been doing it for decades, since back in those pre-inclusive days when it was known simply as “Gay Freedom Day” and nobody had heard of HIV, marriage equality, or Grindr. Back when “lube” meant Vaseline or spit. Back when I had hair.

Lately, I’ve been marching with the American Civil Liberties Union. Not the most radical organization on the block, maybe, but hey, the ACLU can make a rightwinger’s hair burst into flames. They’re the nice bunch who went to bat before the Supreme Court for that delightful Edie Windsor so she could take down DOMA. Plus: cool parade T-shirts.

This year, we got stuck toward the back of the parade and set off three hours after the Dykes on Bikes roared down Market Street right in front of the Airbnb float. Now, when I was picketing Greenwich Village police stations way back in the early 1970s, I didn’t realize I was fighting for the right of techies to rent out their overpriced apartments. But, you know, times change.

And I’ve changed too. It’s something of a myth that age brings wisdom. Sometimes it just brings grumpiness. I did try my best not to resent all the young parade-goers draped in rainbow-colored plastic dreck, flouncing around like they were entitled to the fruits of half a century of queer activism. Because, well, all those LGBTQIwhatever young ‘uns are entitled to precisely that.

Sure, kids, you will never know or understand the isolation of growing up gay pre-Stonewall, wondering if you’re the only one like you in your whole town. You won’t search in vain for images of folks like you in the mass media. Nor will you wake up at the height of the AIDS pandemic, wondering which of your friends will be diagnosed that day. And that means that, in very significant ways, we queer old farts did our job. I might almost be tempted to dub my cohort The Greatest Gay Generation…if that didn’t seem so smarmily self-glorifying.

Sure, it’s tempting to look at the well-waxed young gym bunnies gyrating on corporate floats and wonder where gay politics took a hard right turn into assimilationism. Once we wanted to change the world, now we just want to be accepted by the status quo. Turn on, buy in, work out!

Which is not to say that we’re not changing the world—at least the developed Western world—just by being our own queer selves. But, well, sometimes shallow homos can give superficiality a bad name. Life does consist of more than apps, drugs, and shaving your balls, remember?

But then, queer folks don’t enjoy the generation-to-generation continuity found in many other subgroups. Most of our parents were straight, and most of the kids whom same-sex couples are raising will turn out that way, too. Traditionally, queer folkways have been handed down through our cultural institutions, everything from drag shows to Death in Venice. We used to speak in codes and whispers, often from deep in the closet.

But that seems so very long ago. Nowadays, it’s getting tough to even find a good closet. Drag is just another pretext for reality TV competitions. Stonewall has gone from a radical riot to an Upcoming Major Motion Picture, directed by the guy who made Independence Day…and who’s quite openly gay himself. Hell, even dick piercing seems decidedly old hat.

And, you know, that’s really a good, even an amazing, thing. Was it really so wonderful to sneak into mafia-run bars, worry about blackmail, marry a beard, live a lie? Well, no; I doubt even the most nostalgic among us long for that.

So it turns out that plenty of you gay guys are more interested in raising kids with your husbands than deconstructing the patriarchy? Well, cool! Just as long as you don’t disavow those who are less gender conforming, less monogamously inclined, or more radical in their politics, then go for that white picket fence, guys!

Because, as every year’s parade increasingly indicates, queerdom is now a club that just about anyone can join. LGBTI people are more diverse than might have been imagined a decade or three ago, and we’re getting more diverse all the time. No matter who you are or what you’re into, there’s a place for you out there, and a Tumblr or Instagram site where you can flaunt it.

Maybe we are indeed well on our way to a post-“gay” society with room for a wide spectrum of sexualities and genders, and that sounds pretty fucking cool. History does, indeed, keep right on a-moving, and some changes really are for the best. OK, maybe we do live in a security-state oligarchy, but it is a place where you can order a cocksucker on Craigslist in minutes…and sometimes they’ll even show up. Want to get spanked? There’s an app for that!

Sure, San Francisco may not be paradise, but compared to Kampala, Riyadh, or even Hog Wallow, Tennessee, it’s pretty damn close. And if the Good Old Days of Gay Radicalism are long gone, well…I recently ran across a rather wonderful quote. Author Gideon Lewis-Kraus wrote, “What the word ‘over’ really means is that your expectations of a place, your fantasies of who you might have become there, have been confounded by the persistence of you.”

And I think that goes for the gay movement. Whatever queer theory’s utopian notions of reshaping human relations, of (as an old piece of agitprop quaintly put it) “cock sucking as an act of revolution,” our fondest dreams eventually run smack dab against the reality of ourselves.

Or so I mused while I was waiting for the ACLU to march down Market Street. That is, when I wasn’t being distracted by a head-turning array of manhood—from skinny nerd to leather hunk—clothed, shirtless, or buck naked.  And then we were off, on yet another march, right after the revolutionaries at Uber.

For as our Great Gay Tunesmith, Stephen Sondheim, wrote, “Good times and bum times, I’ve seen them all. And my dear, I’m still here.”

And that’s something to celebrate.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

10 Reasons to Use Wet Platinum

1.  Wet Platinum Stays Wet Longer.
Wet Platinum is a silicone-based lubricant. Unlike water-based lubricants, silicone molecules are large and are not absorbed, so they remain on the surface of the skin. Because Wet Platinum contains no water, it does not evaporate either, giving you longer-lasting, slippery, friction-free play. There is no mood-breaking, stopping to re-apply necessary. Platinum is always slick, guaranteed never sticky, and doesn’t dry out.

2.  Wet Platinum Makes Sex Better.
Sex without lube nearby, is sure to stop pleasurable intercourse in its tracks. At least one partner at this point may feel turned off and be thinking “I could really use some lubricant right now!” With the mood already at stake, you’re going to need something you can grab quick, apply, and be able to get your groove on. Wet Platinum is the best choice because it’s easy as 1, 2, and 3! Grab it, squeeze it, apply it and you’re ready to go. Absolutely no need to worry because Platinum gives you the perfect slippery glide, and won’t become messy, clumped up, dried out, or sticky. And since it won’t dry out, you just need a small amount. Apply Wet Platinum to your penis, sex toys*, and interior/exterior of your condom or anywhere else your heart desires, slip right in, work your magic and enjoy the ride.

*Please note that Wet Platinum is not recommended for use with silicone toys.

3.  Wet Platinum is Safer.
A 2010 Study by Microbicides: Building Bridges in HIV Prevention, named the Use Of Lubricants, Unprotected Anal Sex and the Risk of HIV, compared five lubricants against each other (Astroglide, Elbow Grease, ID Glide, KY Jelly and Wet Platinum). A sixth product named PRÉ was used as a control. The study was looking for the safest lubricant that did the least amount of damage to cellular walls, during anal sex. Damage to cell walls during sex can cause tearing and increase the likelihood of transmission of STI's. The study concluded that "Wet Platinum and PRÉ were the safest. The hyperosmolar nature of the other lubricant gels was associated with cellular toxicity and may lead to increased risk of HIV infection." Wet was the only silicone-based lubricant in the study. The others were water-based. This and one other study examining the effects of sexual lubricants used in anal sex were presented in April at the International Microbicides Conference.

Safety Precaution:  Wet Platinum is very slippery so take care to clean any spills immediately.

4.  Wet Platinum Has Many Uses. 
Dab it in your hair for some shine. Condition your skin and Latex Fetish Wear. Use it for vaginal and/or anal sex. Masturbate in the shower or in bed. Use a palm size amount to give your partner a sensual massage (and it won’t dry up!). Use it to get a really close shave, but be careful not to slip on it in the shower. Put a drop of Platinum on a sticking door or cabinet to stop the squeaking, or use it to untangle knotted bicycle or jewelry chains. Glide it over your body and slip easily in to your wetsuit. The possibilities are endless!

5.  Wet Platinum Uses the Highest Quality Ingredients and is a 510k Accepted Medical Device.
Wet Platinum uses ingredients that are non-GMO (Genetically Modified Organism), gluten-free, vegan friendly, and contains only plant derived glycerin. Wet Platinum is an FDA (Food and Drug Administration) accepted, Class II medical device. It is also certified Kosher.  That’s right!  Platinum contains no animal-based ingredients and is manufactured and self-certified according to guidelines set forth by the Rabbinical Council of California.

6.  No Smell. No Taste. 
A common complaint about personal lubricants is the way they taste and/or smell.
We take this complaint seriously. While Wet Platinum is an accepted medical device, it does not smell or taste like an antiseptic or any other chemical. It’s completely odorless, has no taste and is considered harmless if ingested.

7.  Doctor Recommended.
The Wet Platinum formula is non-irritating.  Wet products are sampled in medical offices throughout the United States and Canada and have received stellar patient reviews and recommendations from medical doctors. Read more about why Wet is doctor recommended.

8.  Available Everywhere.
Wet has been widely available in love boutiques since 1989.  We understand that not everyone is comfortable visiting their local adult boutique and not all of us live in a city where adult boutiques exist. The adult boutiques do offer a wider selection of Wet products and other intimacy products so check them out if you have the opportunity.  For your convenience, Wet is now widely available in all major pharmacies and mass market retailers across the United States and Canada, and is available online as well, with discreet shipping at

“Not a day goes by that I do not mention your products,” says Dr. Jacob Klein. “The availability in CVS and Walgreens has certainly helped.”

To locate a store near you, that carries Wet, please visit Wet Locator.

9.  Can Be Used in Water. 
There really is nothing better than hot sex in the shower. Besides installing handles on your shower walls to hold on to during your steamy sessions, the next essential item is a bottle of waterproof lubricant. Take silicone-based Wet Platinum in the shower with you, squirt some on your fingers, apply to self and/or partner and you’re ready to go. Wet Platinum can also be used in Jacuzzis, lakes, rivers, oceans, bathtubs, and swimming pools. The water will roll over the lube like a bead of water on a leaf. When you’re done and want to clean up just lather up and rinse off, or carry a package of baby wipes on you for fast efficient clean up.

Caution:  Silicone lubricants will break down the silicone seals on your hot tubs, spas and pools over time so it’s best to use it sparingly.

10.  It’s Good Karma! 
We believe that companies are like individuals, each creating their own "Karma." Giving back has been paramount to us since our inception. Through our charitable giving program, we contribute to the work of more than 300 non-profit organizations worldwide.

Kylene Wolfstein, Blogger for Wet Personal Lubricants

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Gay Sex, Queer Cinema

"I Am Happiness on Earth"  (All Photos: Used by Permission from Frameline38)
Every man in this theater sucks cock, I thought. I was sitting in the Castro Theater during Frameline, San Francisco’s LGBT film festival, the world’s oldest and maybe largest queer fest. And I was not just thinking about fellatio, but musing about the ways that gay movies mirror the sexual zeitgeist.

Despite the fact that there’s always a creative time lag—some of the films took years from concept to completion—there were, as usual, interesting filmic trends to be discerned. In the past, there’d been a spate of films about AIDS, then a few years later, about marriage equality. (Though regardless, the festival, being what it is, always shows films about dick.)

And this year? Trans. Take the charming, wistful Swedish film Something Must Break. In some ways, it was the typical coming-of-age-young-guys-find-each-other film, replete with cute young men with cute young visibly uncut dicks. A can’t-miss staple of gay festivals, and who can resist the sight of another naked romp at the swimming hole? But this time, the central character was gender-variant, androgynous Andreas, who longed to be “Ellie.”

And there was Yann Gonzales’ gorgeously startling You and the Night, a genre-bending mashup of Dario Argento horror films, Luis Buñuel surrealism, and Rocky Horror Show weird shit. Sure, there was the indisputable charm of retired soccer star Éric Cantona flaunting a huge prosthetic-but-passable penis. But then there was the transvestite maid and the pro-lust message that, given the opportunity, anyone would fuck just about anybody else….even if they were dead. Cool!

Yep, from a revival showing of groundbreaking trans drama Boys Don’t Cry to a program of shorts about female-to-male guys, the festival was decidedly more trans-centric than in years past. The charming Off Road told the tale of a feisty female car mechanic who used to be a guy, Lady Valor the story of a male-to-female Navy SEAL. There was even the documentary The Dog, the fascinatingly weird true story of John Wojtowicz, whose bank-robbing quest to finance his lover’s sex change was the basis of Dog Day Afternoon.

Why such a heavy trans presence in queer film? And why now? One obvious answer is the increasing visibility of transpeople, and the increasing strength of their movement. That’s a good thing, of course; so much hatred is based in rigid ideas of gender. Then, too, like gay and lesbian artists before them, increasing numbers of creative transpeople are coming out.

And maybe another reason is the very success of so much of the lesbian and gay movement. In significant ways, queers have entered the mainstream at a dizzying pace. In celebration of that, the excellent HBO documentary The Case Against 8 opened the festival, giving a blow-by-blow account of the triumph of marriage equality in California.

Even erstwhile cinematic badboy Bruce La Bruce seems to have settled down, dishing up Gerontophilia, a charming, touching dramedy about an 18-year-old boy with a hard-on for men old enough to be his grandpas. Who’d have dreamed that the auteur behind such edgy cinema masterworks as L. A. Zombie and No Skin Off My Ass would come up with the gay Harold and Maude?

But drama thrives on conflict. Sure, there’s a place for happy films about happy couples getting hitched. But transgendered people are still—the old-hatness of Chaz Bono notwithstanding—on the cutting edge of change, and their narratives are every bit as riveting as plain old coming-out-as-gay movies used to be. (Though there most assuredly will always be room for films about sensitive young shirtless cisgender males like the Dutch Boys or the Polish Floating Skyscrapers. Because, well, you know….)
"Floating Skyscrapers"

Not that the Festival was all sweetness and light. There was Mentor, a heartbreaking film on bullying. An ex-neo-Nazi gay basher was profiled in the absorbing Oscar-nominated short Facing Fear, and The Last One examined the thorny problem of new HIV infections through the prism of the Names Project quilt. But in a year so filled with unprecedented victories, it was hard not to feel upbeat.

There were also fascinating looks back at queer history. Who knew that 1950s Zurich housed a major gay organization, as detailed in the beautifully crafted film The Circle? And Limited Partnership, a documentary about a bi-national male couple who were, astonishingly, legally married in Colorado all the way back in 1975, brought the audience to its feet in a standing ovation.

Then there was Folsom Forever, a laudatory documentary about the history of San Francisco’s notorious Folsom Street Fair, replete with leather, chains, and plenty of cock. The film details what most of us long-time Bay Areans already know: what was once shockingly cutting edge is now mainstream— the upcoming movie version of “Fifty Shades,” anyone?—And what was once liberated gay territory is being gentrified into oblivion.

Even some porn looked to the past. Mondo Homo gratifyingly resurrected French gay smut from the 1970s, back when guys didn’t shave their pubes. Fucking! Fisting! Foreskins! Ooh la la! Fetch le lube.

Yes, in the 38 years since the first Frameline festival, the LGBT movement has succeeded past damn near any queer’s wildest dreams. We stand in danger of committing the greatest gay sin: being boring. It would be foolish to be too triumphalist It’s-a-Small-World about this: after all, the Archbishop of S.F. celebrated Pride Month by giving his blessing to an anti-gay rally in DC, and it’s still not easy being a homo in East Jesus, Oklahoma. or Uganda or St. Petersburg. Indeed, the festival featured four programs on Russian anti-gay oppression.

One of my straight friends recently asked me, “Why should there be a gay film festival any more, anyway? There are all those gay people on True Blood.”
Well, sure, right.

But though it’s somewhat hard to imagine HBO giving airtime to, oh, the festival’s exquisitely moody avant-garde Mexican film, I Am Happiness on Earth, perhaps a better question is why, in a downloadable world, there should be film festivals at all. You can stream just about any damn thing you desire to your Roku, and Frameline itself has a major online presence, one well worth checking out.

But a minority group’s culture is the glue that holds it together, and—Netflix notwithstanding—the sensation of sitting in a darkened theater with hundreds of other queers, all enjoying (or sometimes suffering through) the images on the silver screen is still a heartening communal experience.

Especially when every man in the theater sucks cock.

Simon Sheppard

Simon Sheppard, is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

Monday, June 23, 2014

Hook Up Safety: Put On Your Hardhat and Know Your Plans Before You Go

Hook Up Safety:  Put On Your Hardhat and Know Your Plans Before You Go

The internet serves up meat faster than a Brazilian steakhouse.  It’s never been easier to meet someone who is into exactly what you want, when you want it.   Apps like Scruff and Grindr and others like them are popular because of the swift swipe and like features many of us know so well.  You can spend all day on Adam4Adam, Manhunt and and never run out of options.  Let’s not forget Craigslist, the Pennysaver of Penis.  It doesn’t give you the hi-tech options of the apps but it’s free and easy to peruse.
Recently, the Grindr app was in the news but not in a positive way.  A young man name Dino Dizdarević, looking for a quick hook-up was brutally beaten and strangled in Chester, Pennsylvania. Why is unknown at this time.  According to police reports nationwide, apps like these are responsible for countless violent crimes including rape and robbery. This raises the question, how safe are these hook-up apps?

You can expect to find hard-core hookups and someone who is ready, willing, and able within minutes. So many choices, so little time.  If this is your thing, those choices can come with a price and it’s up to you to protect yourself.

Though hosting (your place or mine) is typically the culture of the “quick-fux”, here are some tips for safeguarding yourself if you can resist immediate gratification.  Always think about safety before meeting someone you don’t know for the first time.

How does one stay safe? Think before you act.

  1. Be Your Own Lifeguard
    Watch for those red flags.  What’s he into?  Is the conversation going where you want it to go?  Do you feel like he’s lying or does have any odd behaviors?  The longer you can chat with him and see his patterns of conversation, the better off you will be.  Get the details down before you commit to meet. Trust your instincts.  Vague answers, long times in between answers, and an inconsistent storylines are all signs.  Stop chatting with someone if your gut tells you the clue phone is ringing.  You’ll never run out of others to try.

  2. Are There Going To Be Drugs Involved?
    Beware of the PNP culture unless you are into that sort of thing. We aren’t condoning it but this is a reality online.  PNP, Party and Play generally refers specifically to methamphetamine use during play.  Look for the word Party with a capital P or any word with a capital P, capital T (for Tina; which is meth as well) or G (GHB) or K (Ketamine) or M (Molly which is Ecstasy).  Blowing clouds, getting cloudy, or playing in the clouds usually means they are smoking meth.  If you notice they are really into skiing, don’t offer a trip to Aspen.  They just like cocaine. Someone looking for these things might request a Party Planner. If this is not your scene, simply emphasize NO PNP.

  3. Is Money Expected?
    Another reality online.  Is your prospective looking for a GENt? That would mean GENerous and expect it to cost you.  How your work that arrangement is up to you but if are not looking to pay to play, save yourself some time and delete!

  4. Protect Your Personal Identity and Information
    Stranger Danger!  You have no idea who is on the other end of that profile.  Hopefully, it is someone just like you looking for your bubble butt bottom to get down but leave your address, place of work, and anything you wouldn’t want an identity thief or a stalker to know out of the conversation.  This is not your best friend, no matter how dirty you are about to get with him.

  5. A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words
    This is just good shopping advice and a safety bonus. You want to get what is advertised right?  Request extra pictures that are not on his profile.  Make sure you get a few pictures of the face.  Ask when the pictures were taken. Save any details you get and the pictures in a folder on your computer at home.  If you are worried about someone finding them, get a secure tablet just for cruising.  It seems like overkill but unfortunately, it may prove important one day.

  6. Buddy System Bandwagon
    No, your friend doesn’t need to go with you but have a friend you can check in with and let them know your exact location and how long you anticipate being there.  Let your hook-up know you checked in with someone.  This may seem a little weird, but your safety is worth it and a good friend will do that for you.  If you are on the DL, and we know some of you are, find a way to let someone know when you should be back so they realize right away if you are missing.

  7. What’s His Public Persona?
    Yes, we know it’s super-hot to show up at random dudes house all full of expectations of 8 inches cut and ready to fuck.  Yes, we know you just ordered it up like a Domino’s Pizza and he can come to your door in thirty minutes or less.  Think before you twink.  Ponder before you otter.  Your date can wait (a bit).  Meet in a public place and see if guy might live up to your expectations.  If your Spidey sense goes off the creepy end and there is something just not right, don’t continue.  Excuse yourself.  Know where your exits are and don’t be afraid to use them.  Take an unusual route home in case you are being followed.  Pull over in a public place and call the police if this happens.

  8. Keep A Positive Outlook
    Not everyone is truthful when it comes to their HIV/STD status.  Not everyone gets tested regularly.  Not everyone uses condoms every single time for every single thing.  No one who engages in risky behaviors is certain of their status in between testing.  Guys on drugs or alcohol are more likely to engage in risky behaviors.  Guys who are willing to bareback with someone they just met on Scruff are likely engaging in risky behaviors.  Syphilis and HIV cases are on the rise so rather than read the signs and try to gauge whether they are “clean”, just assume your partner is positive and act accordingly.

Now for those of you who aren’t too busy trying to find nourishment for your Cock-A-Day Diet, take a moment to find the fun-to-read testimonials on these sites, like the story of two the cops who met on Grindr.  It’s a happy ending to a happy ending.

If you know of a love-match that happened because of a hook-up or match on one of these sites we would love to hear about it.  Or are you or a friend getting married soon?  Let us know that too! We want to hear from you! Comment below or follow us on FB at /thewetguy or on Twitter @wetplatinumman.

How Do I Meet Mr. Right, Not Mr. Right Now?

How Do I Meet Mr. Right, Not Mr. Right Now?

Recent Messages from Facebook:  “How do I meet someone who wants the same thing I do?" "I am sick of the club or party scene. What alternatives are there for gay folks to meet?"  "I am too shy to talk to someone."  "What can I do to meet like-minded gay guys?"

As we know, Grindr is considered the ultimate hookup app because it lets you find someone geographically desirable, though it’s typically not in hopes of a long time love affair.  You could try searching on Adam4Adam or Manhunt or more.  But with these you may still find that most are still looking for sex as their goal.  The club scene or circuit lifestyle are a wild time but not for everyone and usually not the best place to meet a long-term partner.  And you don't want to fish from the pool of friends your ex knows on Facebook, cause that could be dangerous if you all have the same friends and your ex is someone you’ve been trying to avoid. Speaking of exes, if you are still pining for your him, there's even a new service on that helps you find someone that looks like him using facial recognition software from an L.A.-based firm, Three Day Rule but that will cost you about $5,000 PER MONTH! But they also set up a pre-date for you in case they are wrong about your type, so it is more of a match-making system.

So how are men finding each other these days? What are some of the best ways to meet someone? Places to make a connection other than the hook-up?:

  1. Gay Men’s Meetup groups at
  2. Your local Gay/LGBTQ centers where group meetings are held to discuss how to meet people.
  3. Gay men’s book clubs. There are clubs that read gay erotica together or the latest New York Times best-selling author.  Check with your local librarian.
  4. Gay Singles’ Cruises.  While the goal here may be the ultimate in party sex, several long-lasting relationships have come from them.  I personally know of 5 couples that have been together from a cruise from Ft.Lauderdale, Florida to the Caribbean. That was two years ago and these couples are still going strong.  I guess with over 5,000 guests that are all gay the odds of finding someone there are pretty good.
  5. Let someone find you:  Doing what you love doing and when you least expect it.  Make sure you don’t give up your hobbies while looking for love.  Note:  Cruising Grindr should not be considered a hobby.  Long-term lovers need to have things in common and finding one who loves collecting antique Soviet calculators as much as you do may be on the road to being a keeper.  

Wet would love to know more about how you found your partner.
Was it shopping for bowties at that new trendy shop on the corner? Was it luck? Were you introduced? Was he a friend of a friend that you always wanted to talk to and finally got up the nerve?  Tell us, we would really like to hear the stories and suggestions. Find us on Facebook and send a Direct Message: Facebook/thewetguy

For the shy ones, finding someone new is even more challenging. If we hear any more tips, we’ll post them in a future blog post or on Twitter and Facebook.   Follow us on FB at /thewetguy or on Twitter @wetplatinumman.

June Is HIV/AIDS Awareness Month and June 27th Is National HIV Awareness Day

This year, Wet Personal Lubricants has partnered with Chicagoland HIV Testing Collaborative’s (CHTC) "Step Up. Get Tested." campaign by donating 100,000 Safe Sex Kits containing a condom and a sample of Wet Platinum Premium Silicone Lubricant.  The Wet Safe Sex Kits will be handed out at mobile HIV testing units across the Chicago area June 5th through July 4th, 2014. The goal is to not only test at least 5,000 people every June, but to reduce the stigma and fear that surrounds HIV testing.

Last year, CHTC’s "Step Up. Get Tested." campaign made 40,000 contacts in one month and tested well over 5,000 people, giving away 100,000 Wet Safe Sex kits in the process. This campaign is one of the many HIV Testing and awareness campaigns happening in cities across America to mark this awareness day with activities that encourage people to get tested regularly for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. We believe everyone should say yes to the test!

“We’re proud to be the exclusive lubricant sponsor for Step Up. Get Tested.," said Michael Trigg, founder and CEO of Trigg Labs. “We hope our safe sex kits will increase public awareness to reduce the stigma associated with getting tested for HIV. It’s so important to get educated, tested, and to know your current HIV status. Information is power and with that information you can protect yourself and others and, if necessary, get the proper treatment and counseling to live long and healthy lives.”


The only way to know if you have HIV is to get tested. Testing is relatively simple. You can get an HIV test from your doctor or healthcare provider, community health center, Veteran’s health center, a local family planning clinic, and other many locations.  HIV testing is available FREE and ANONYMOUS in many places.  For HIV testing resources visit:

To learn more about HIV and the stages of the disease that lead to AIDS, visit the Center for Disease Control.


Using a condom is a very effective way to prevent contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) or infection (STI).  The catch?  Only Consistently + Correctly = Effectively

Condom Tips:

Check the expiration date!
Yes, they do have one.  Look for it before you purchase the condoms and before you use each one to be sure that it hasn’t expired.

Buy condoms that fit properly.
Like us, condoms come in a variety of sizes. Condoms that are too tight are uncomfortable and don’t leave enough room for semen to burst in on the scene. Condoms that are too loose can hold air bubbles that can increase breakage. They can also slip off easily. For more details on condom sizes, go to

Store condoms in a cool, dry place.
Latex can dry out and become brittle when it’s stored in summer heat or winter cold or when   temperatures vary throughout the day. Your glove box or your wallet may seem like the most convenient option but they are not the best places for storing them.

Open the wrapper with your hands.
Sometimes they are tricky to open.  It’s tempting to use your teeth or scissors.  Teeth and any other sharp instrument should be avoided, as the risk of puncturing or tearing the condom is higher if you do.

Put the condom on before there is any genital to genital contact.
Any exchange of bodily fluids harbors the risk of transmission.  This exchange can happen well before penetration so be sure you wrap it up before the action gets hot and heavy.

Lubrication is important!
Placing a drop of personal lubricant on the inside of the condom before you roll it on will enhance your enjoyment. Using lubricant generously on the outside of the condom will reduce friction and thereby reduce the risk of the condom breaking. Use an FDA approved Personal Lubricant such as Wet® Light®, Wet® Platinum®, and Wet® Uranus™ Silicone-Based. These have all been certified as 510(k) medical devices for use with condoms.

Be sure it is not inside out before you start.
Both the tip of the condom and the rolled edge should be pointing the same direction.

See illustration here:

Do not unroll the condom before you put it on.
You must unroll the condom down the shaft all the way to the bottom. This can apply to toys too.  Do not share toys with your partner unless you put a fresh condom on the toy in between uses.

Pinch the reservoir tip while you are rolling on the condom.  
Once the condom has been rolled on completely, be sure to squeeze out any air bubbles.

Hold on to the base of the condom when you pull out. 
The muscles of the rectum are strong. They might peel that condom right off. Take it out with you to prevent spilling the contents on or in your partner.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Whacks His Balls With Lube??? What?

Funny Uses for Wet Lube!

Aaron Bowden won the video challenge of coming up with unique ways of using lube! (Well, are they that unique?) watch and find out for yourself.  We enjoyed the hilarious antics of Aaron as he pours Wet Platinum lubricant on his melons, his weiner and his balls.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Speaking of Performance Anxiety by Guest blogger: Simon Sheppard

 "I'm a versatile guy," says one fellow. "But I keep having performance anxiety whenever I top."

He's not alone, of course. Many a willie will wither when it counts. Stiffies are fickle things, and even the hottest screw can go awry, more commonly than macho myth allows. Our nervous top confides, "A partner can tell me not to be concerned, and that sort of thing happens all the time. Which doesn't make me feel one bit better."

But it does happen all the time. All sorts of things - depression, distractions, drink, drugs - can deflate a dingus. And HIV hasn't helped matters, adding a whole new level of concern, and inserting a penis-defeating pause while a rubber gets unrolled. What's more, a single bout of impotence can spiral, instilling doubts the next time around.

The advent of shaft-stiffening pharmaceuticals, such as Cialis and Viagra, can divert possible disaster, though it's dangerous to use prescription drugs without a doctor's supervision. Worse, pills can mask serious underlying conditions - physical or psychological - that require treatment.

There are also simple, non-medicinal tricks to keep’em happy. Relaxation helps, but that can be tough to achieve. One fellow who's managed to deal with his fears says, "I've learned to remember that sex isn't a contest, and that no one's keeping score. As long as my partner and I enjoy ourselves and one another, that's what counts. And if I'm less than fully hard, well...that may be the time to forget about anal sex and try something else instead."

And, beyond the brain, there are physical solutions, too. A cock ring can keep a guy's wood hard as...wood. Using sufficient amounts of good lube can make penetration smooth as silk; there are few things more dick-discouraging than a non-slippery hole. And knowing that nagging details are taken care of can keep a man's mind focused on fun. Says a safe-sex fan, "If I'm expecting a date, I'll put out condoms and lube where they can be easily reached. There's nothing less sexy than fumbling in a dresser drawer."

Performance anxiety can be equally edgy with a permanent partner. "It's inevitable that desire ebbs and flows with time," says a fellow who's in a decade-long relationship. "But I've learned not to take a temporary low point too personally. And I've come to realize that my boyfriend rarely stays hard when he bottoms, which doesn't mean he's not having a great time."

Though the phrase "performance anxiety" implies "can't keep it up," a man's worries can be broader than that. Whatever the specifics, there's the problem of pleasing a partner. No one, after all, wants to be regarded as a sexual flop. A perceptive observer of the gay scene says, "In many segments of the gay community, we're under all this pressure to be studs, to perform like sexual supermen. Not only is that unfair, it's kind of homophobic, as though being a 'real man' means ever-erect and always invulnerable. That's even stupid - while an orgasm is great, it's not everything."

Going into a new situation always produces some anxiety, and being naked doesn't help matters. "They say that one cure for stage fright is imagining your audience with no clothes," continues the scene-observer. "Maybe a cure for sex fright is imagining your partner clothed - as though he's a fully rounded human being with fears of his own - rather than a sex machine that requires mastering."

Performance anxiety has no single cause or cure. But remember that a non-trophy-winning bout in bed isn't a final judgment on one's worthiness, and that most men are, deep down at least, pretty damn nice and understanding.

And if they aren't, screw 'em.

Simon Sheppard is the author of Man on Man: The Best of Simon Sheppard, The Dirty Boys' Club, Sex Parties 101 and Jockboys. Visit him at, and email him at

5 Tips for Putting Sexual Topics on the Table

Our culture has created a wealth of taboo subjects and masturbation is merely one of them.  Whether wanting to discuss living out a fantasy together, trying a new sex position, experimenting with anal sex for the first time, or asking about getting tested for STDs, how does one broach the topic without sounding like you are unhappy with the present state of your relationship or without fearing rejection of your ideas?

In our last article Masturbation, My Favorite Pastime, we mention open communication and we say this often--open, honest communication drives intimacy.  While it should be easy to discuss sex with your partner, it isn’t always so simple. Even couples who have been together a long time can find it difficult to bring up new topics since people’s needs change over time.
How do you bring up that saucy subject? Here are some tips to remember before you start the discussion:

1.Have a Goal: First be clear on your own goals for the topic and how you feel. Do some self-reflection to understand what it is you really want, need, or desire and know where you might want to end up before you begin.  Stay focused on the topic.  Don’t allow other issues to creep into the conversation.

2.Find the Right Place and Time: Try to wait until you are at home or somewhere private.  If necessary, make a date or appointment to talk about it.Talking about sex in a public place may make your partner feel uncomfortable. It is better to do it somewhere that you can make eye contact and give it your full attention.  In the car while driving is not a good time or place for this.Don’t start the conversation if it’s time for the kids to take a bath, or your partner just stepped into the house from a long day at work.Stress and exhaustion could lead you down a negative result when all you wanted was a clear, frank discussion about your wants and needs.
3.Use Neutral Language: Don’t use any confrontational language or finger pointing. Be sure any topic you bring up is in the nature of exploration and state up front that you are trying to make your wants, needs, and desires heard and that you will feel better in your relationship if you are allowed the opportunity.

4.Explain What You Want (and/or Don’t Want).  Be specific.  If you aren’t exactly sure what you want, now would be a good time to go through a yes, no, maybe list.  What is that?  Your new best friend.  Check out one Austin’s That Other Paper.  Ask your partner to fill out the chart as well.  It is a quick way to determine what your playing field really is.  Everyone is different in terms of what turns them on and what turns them off.  The better you become at communicating these things to each other, the easier it is for them to help you fulfill them.  Remember to respect what is a turn off to them.

5.Above All – Listen. Once the conversation is started, it is important that you listen with respect and wait before responding.  Often  a miscommunication arises when one thinks they understand and jump in to explain and that makes people get defensive. Wait. Listen. Relax. And if you have chosen the right time, refrained from defensive or accusatory language, the discussion should go better.

Conversation starters:

What would you think if I wanted to _____?

How often do you think about sex?

How would you feel if you found me watching porn without you? Turned on? Upset?

Tell me about a sexual fantasy you haven’t told me about before.

What was has been our hottest sexual experience together?

What is the most erotic thing two people can do together?

I feel like our sex life could be more exciting if we could try _________.  How do you feel about that?

Masturbation, my favorite past time

In case you didn’t know, May is Masturbation Month and in honor of this most excellent celebration, we decided to run a contest to find the best euphemisms for one of our favorite pastimes. This led me down a path of self-discovery.

I love masturbation as a pastime.  It’s free, it’s safe and it’s the one thing in your life where you have total say over when you want it, where you want it, how you want it, and how long you want to do it.

Wikipedia defines masturbation as
the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals.  That could mean that you are stimulating yourself by yourself or you could be stimulating yourself while being intimate with someone else.  There is an art to stimulating yourself and many people become highly skilled at it.  Your partner can learn a lot about you from watching you master your craft.

Pleasuring oneself by oneself used to be considered the height of taboo and in some cultures this is still a serious no-no but that doesn’t seem to stop so many people from enjoying themselves…literally.  When I decided to write on this topic, I Googled it to get a deeper understanding of where we are on the subject.   It was interesting to see that religious sites opining a variety of thoughts on masturbation popped up frequently.  Many with healthier views than I would have imagined.  There were also a slew of sites advocating the practice for health and pleasure.  Mainstream publications such as Men’s Health Magazine, routinely discuss the topic in positive ways, yet, there remains a strong puritanical stance against the idea of masturbation and these publications are often criticized for their content.  With all of this information at our fingertips, why do we still giggle like sixth graders at the phrase Jerkin’ the Gherkin?

We find the need to create euphemisms and expressions for masturbation in order to even mention this strongly tabooed subject.  These euphemisms have been finding their way into pop culture for decades. Take The Sex Pistols’ ‘Friggin’ in the Riggin’ for example, the song’s title is a nod to a sailor’s self-delight and it includes another slang phrase commonly used in the U.K., ‘wanking in the planking’.  Those raucous young lads were edgy.  Euphemisms like these are still in use today because the topic still makes us generally uncomfortable.  This is why we came up with the Masturbation May contest.  We hope to help reduce the stigma associated with masturbation.

Why the taboo?  For one, religious thought has historically been that masturbation goes against God’s plan for procreation. That any spilled seed is wasted when the act of masturbation is performed. And it was also commonly thought that masturbation was highly addictive.  Therefore, if masturbation was not ‘nipped in the bud’ so to speak, then it could create all sorts of problems.  If the masses were too busy pleasuring themselves then they couldn’t become highly-functioning citizens contributing to the greater good. 

Let’s face it, if it feels good, then, why not?  The stigma of masturbation seems to be inching its way towards greater acceptance in this culture.  But, while a majority of men have no problems with it, it is still considered a tough subject for some. Maybe they got caught in the act at a young age which resulted in fear and anxiety.  Some prefer to do it only in private, some with their partners, but make no mistake, everyone does it.

Discussing and encouraging self-pleasure can be daunting for some, while other couples are completely open and honest about their masturbation habits.  As always, communication is the key for any healthy sexual relationship.  Your partner may have different needs than you do in this arena and it is healthy to talk about it. Masturbating is an important part of life and there are many benefits. When couples have been together for a long time, it can manage the libido differences between partners.

For those not in a relationship or those who prefer to stay celibate, it is a natural expression of self-love and a healthy outlet for fantasies. Orgasms have been shown to reduce stress, decrease depression and certainly help avoid STIs. For men, orgasms may even prevent prostate cancer! All single people out there should be reaping the benefits of orgasms!

OK, in case you still want to giggle like a sixth grader
…some of the phrases submitted to our Masturbation May contest included:  Spank the monkey, Hit the clit, I’m off to give the kitty some overdue attention, I’m going downstairs to stroke my ego, Buff the banana and Burp the worm. And make no mistake, this is not a purely American thing. Many other countries have their own euphemisms.  The French say “Tirer la pipe” which translates to pull the pipe, Mexican’s say, “Me fui a mi casa con Manuel”, I went home with Manuel (my hand), and I love the German “Fünf gegen einen”, five against one.  Suffice it to say, they all mean the same thing… “I’m off to… Master my Domain.

Feel free to Google Masturbation for yourself and start your own self-discovery.  Let’s see if we can get the topic trending and really give it the attention it deserves.

Carry on…and #LubeYourTube.   Twitter @Wetplatinumman

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Win a Gift Basket of Lube! Enter our Giveaway today!

Give us your best names for masturbation, and the winner will receive, well, let's just say...enough to keep him happy for awhile... Here are some examples we have seen so far: "Jerkin the gerkin", "Rub the nub", "Spank the Monkey" Ok, Ready? Set? Go!  With the naming that is...jeez.

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